Saturday, August 22, 2009

A Fatty Reminiscing

You know, I never realized I had so much to say about being fat. I guess it's shaped my point of view on the world more than I thought it had.

I think a big part of it, is that I have been overweight my whole life. I was never skinny, or even average, so I have no other way of looking at life. I don't see myself as the skinny person I was, or understand the discrimination. I never got to be on the other end of that... so my point of view is pretty unique.

Although I'm the fattest now that I've ever been, its all just numbers to me. I feel too fat to feel good right now, but 60 pounds ago, although still very much in the "morbidly obese" category, I felt fantastic.

My goal weight is around 300 pounds. For my height, according to the archaic BMI standards I should weigh 155-176, and that's on a large frame.

I think at that weight I'd be sick, and miserable. And that's not an excuse, its reality.

When I was 17 I got sick quite badly. I couldn't eat, and what I did eat came right back up. I got down to 250 pounds (from being about 308) and I looked terrible. Even as I got better, and the weight stayed off for a few months, people told me I looked sick. Drawn. Hollow.

By 18 I had gained back up to about 290 and I felt better, I looked better.

Anyway, sorry to get off on a tangent there. I guess what I'm saying is that I've surprised myself at just how much I have to say on weight. How little I get to say it in my everyday life, and how grateful I am to have a place to share it now. Not to the empty internet, but to a group of lovely people who maybe, can get a little bit of something from me doing it.

Comment time!

What things in your life and shaped and changed your perspective on weight, shape, beauty, and love?