Health UN-Fair

Man this has been the week from HELL. My daughter is painfully sick with Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. Her mouth is just chock full of big sores that keep her from eating/sleeping and doing anything without whining... "OWIE!"

My nerves are shot, I haven't eaten anything decent or balanced in over a week. I think I'm getting sick myself... Man, being a mom is not for the faint-of-heart. Ok, that was just my little prequel here. Bad week, exhausted, fried. And not the good kind of fried where there is oil. :(

Anyway, as the title alluded to, my work had it's annual health fair this week. To try and encourage everyone to go and participate, they offer prizes if you go to every single booth. This year I was going to try and do it. Participating in the wellness program at work has been pretty good for me, I'm thinking about what I do more, and what I'm eating. Hell, its what got me started writing this blog... a sort of journey journal. :)

I've never gone to every booth before, though this is my third health fair at this company, so I've never been eligible for a prize. I always avoided one booth. The evil booth.

Body fat analysis. Yeah. Fun.

The other booths don't scare me nearly as bad as this one. Cholesterol, check! (160... that's pretty damn fantastic for being 360 lbs eh?) Blood sugar? double check! (79.... that's way at the low end of good, and diabetes runs in my family... so extra good!) Blood pressure? Meh... (138/94... but I do get white coat. If a nurse I Like/know takes it its usually about 130/85ish)

Vision was perfect, stress levels, extraordinarily high, but that's pretty par for me right now... stressful life.

But that damn fat composition booth mocked me. I looked down at my card, every box checked except for that one. No one was around to hear the guy yell out what a fatty I am... so I went for it. Screw it, I thought, I know I'm fat, he knows I'm fat... why not?

I hold onto the little thing, kind of looks like a steering wheel. He enters my height and weight (blush) and beep. It pops up. 47%.

Actually... I was a little happy. I thought it'd be worse really... as much as I weigh I though it'd be 50+. Optimal for a woman is 18-30%. So I'm up there. He talked on and on about how this increases my risk for high cholesterol (hmmm not yet...) diabetes (looking good...) and high blood pressure (my one concern in the near future) and yadda yadda.

Then he says something I've never heard a health professional tell me. He said my optimal weight may be (gasp) about 250 pounds. Because of the percentage at 350, at 250 (mind that's 100 FREAKING pounds) I'd be in great shape. "Most women wouldn't say YAY I'm 250, but for you that could be a great goal." Wow, I actually got a health professional to admit that perhaps, for my height and bone structure that the "optimal" weight of 170 might not be ideal.

So, although I had to sit through a lecture of why I'm going to die because I'm fat/lazy... I also got that great bit of support.

All in all, I think I had a pretty good time. I do often feel like the second these nurses look at me they see a big greasy, cholesterol ridden, diabetes-doomed person... and I don't feel that way at all. Obviously I'm doing good for now, trying to be better... how do you show that to people?

I guess you can't. You just have to let them judge you on your looks.

Comment time! Do you feel like when you deal with health professionals, they are quick to assume that you are unhealthy, because of your size/body? Do you think that thinner people, though plagued with some of the same ailments, are more likely "innocent until proven guilty," while chubbier gals get the immediate diagnosis?

My computer Crashed, I swear!!

Ok guys, I'm sorry!

I haven't posted in a while, and I hate to leave you hanging. Life has been incredibly stressful to say the least. To top it off, my computer SPLODED last week. Like, just died. So with the incredible help of the guys at PC Help Forum (you can donate to the guys who help you, which is great...) I got the computer fixed. I still have NO idea how every option got turned off on my computer, but I probably did it to myself. Knowing me....

Anyway the stress. Stress = Stress Eating. But I'm kinda funny about that too, I have to reach a certain level of equalibrium in order to maximize stress eating. If I'm not stressed enough, well then I'm just regular eating for the most part. Too stressed and I stop eating. Yeah, that's right... I actually don't want to eat. I know... I never thought I'd be that way.

In High School, I went through a year of terrible stress. I was in therapy, on anti-deppresants, you name it. During that time I developed IBS. Google it... I don't wanna talk about what it means. Anyway, since I wasn't absorbing any of the food I ate, I lost tons of weight, in a bad way. I also got to a point where I just didn't WANT to eat. Now, when the heavy stress hits, I go back to that habit.

I seem to be going back and forth for the last couple weeks. One day I'm pigging out... the next I eat a bowl of cereal then forget to eat the rest of the day... At least I'm maintaining most of that 10 pounds I lost last week.

I guess I'm just rambling here, but stress-eating is a big problem for me. I definitely tell myself it's ok to keep eating because I'm sad/down/stressed and I "deserve" it. It's how I was taught to pamper myself. In my family if we achieved something, or needed comfort we didn't get a haircut, or a toy, or even just special attention. We got food. It was how we celebrated everything. And now, I am a total emotional eater. Blah.

I really want to break that cycle with my daughter. She gets treats for going potty, but other achievements or good behavior I try verbal praise and hugs and dancing. Dancing is a great reward I think. :)

Ok, comment time. Are you an emotional/stress eater? If so, what are your triggers? Was this learned from your family, or later in life?